The angel of doom descends...

I'm still here and still pretty useless at this losing weight business.

We had a fairly stressful weekend - the Mother in Law (to be) came to stay and she is fairly hard work (Matt will tell you himself she is a nightmare, so I'm not being unpleasant).

I've never met such a negative person and after a while it grinds you down, no matter how cheerful you try to be. We tried to do lovely things with her, afternoon tea, shopping (at her request) and a Sunday lunch, but listening to her moan and complain throughout was a little bit depressing. If you have a cold, she has pneumonia, if you are short on cash, she is destitute, if you are tired, she is extremely exhausted - you get the idea. She also announced she hates Italian food and can't stand the heat - so that pleases me that we have paid for her and her husband to spend a week in Italy for our wedding (all inclusive, I hasten to add). It's enough to make my blood boil.

It turned us both to drink - so all weekend involved wine and cider, plus the aforementioned meals. Not overly conducive to weight loss. Couple that with incapacitating myself following a gym session last week - well you have a weight loss disaster.

I managed to get back into the gym for PT last night which was really difficult. I was in a total mess, sweating, swearing and totally aching. I'd had 6 days off exercise due to my bad back and I could really tell. I am making a concerted effort to go more this week.

I've also decided I need to cut out alcohol on school nights, so from now on, my boozing is limited to Friday and Saturday. It's become a very bad habit to go to the pub a couple of nights a week and it's all empty calories. Not to mention bad for me all round.

I can't make WI tonight as we've tickets for Rhod Gilbert, but I will face the scales tomorrow. I don't expect them to like me too much.

In wedding related news, we appear to have a venue sorted for the night time drinks now. It's not exactly what we wanted but to be honest, I was starting to lose the will to live. It also looks like my wedding dress will be ready to try on at some point soon - although I'm not holding my breath on that. Thanks amy for the suggestion of the lace Vivien dress. It's a definite contender if I start to panic!

This week involves a lot of salad and water. Matt is having his stag do at the weekend so I am off to stay with a friend as her hubby is in attendance. She has a child so boozing won't happen. It could shape up to be a decent week.

No change...

Another weigh in, another stay the same. I'm in limbo at the moment. Exercise is going really well, I've had 2 PT sessions, plus 2 normal sessions since last blogging and I seem to have a renewed enthusiasm for getting sweaty. My running is still not quite where it was pre-hiatus, but I'm building back up slowly, as much as it kills me.

I also seem to have a renewed enthusiasm for alcohol. Work has been a massive ball of stress of late, which leads me to wanting to go to the pub for a couple to wind down. Clearly this needs to stop. Food is going ok (I am definitely thinking about it a lot less with the Slim Pods), but the points are racking up with wine and cider! I need to work on my stress relief techniques somewhat.

Still no news on wedding related items. Matt is sure he can find an alternative for the night time do - so I've given him a week to come up with something, otherwise we are going with the Wedding Planners suggestion. Still no dress news either. I have called them and played 'Merry Hell' as my mother would say, and am assured there will be some sort of update by the end of the week. I have 9 weeks now til we fly out there, so they need to get their bloody fingers out.

This is my current back up plan from Vivien of Holloway. I'm in half a mind to order it anyway, just in case....

Anyway, I can't grumble too much. At the very worst case scenario, I will be getting married in a diifferent dress (in my current size) and drinking late on in the hotel bar. None of it is the end of the world really...

More wedding traumas....

I know I've managed to plan a wedding relatively stress free, but now I am in a bit of a flap. I got an email yesterday from my wedding planner to tell me that the bar we'd booked for the night time (which is listed on all of our invites) has changed hands and been totally redone. It's nothing like the bar we had booked and is now more of a locals hangout. Our booking still stands if we want to go there, but there won't be a disco and given that was the whole idea, well it's a bit of a blooming nightmare.

Gah. I know this is not that massive in the grand scheme of things, I am hoping most people will be drunk by this point and not care too much, but now we've got to try and find somewhere else otherwise our wedding ends at 8pm. Not ideal.

Still no news on the wedding dress either.

So  - anyone know any bars in Sorrento and have a wedding dress to fit a fatty?

Up again

I suppose it was inevitable, given what I've eaten (and drunk) over the past week, that I'd see a gain. Thankfully it was just one pound, but that officially means I've lost no weight for flipping months. I've no clue what it is that I am playing at.

I get married in 11 weeks (and 2 days). 11 weeks, people. At the rate I am going, I'll be at my heaviest ever weight.

However, this is probably the least of my concerns. It would appear I still don't have anything resembling a wedding dress. Despite being all smug and having ordered it about 8 sodding months ago, it would appear they've not even started making it yet. Now I am no expert, but I feel we are cutting it a bit fine here... especially given the dress maker has now decided I have to travel up North for my fittings... (originally she agreed I could go to her shop in Cheltenham, but now she's decided I can't. Cowbag). The shop owner up North seems to think it will all be fine, but really, I've about 4 spare weekends between now and the wedding where I can conceivably get myself to Morpeth and if they don't hurry up and give me a date, it's going to bankrupt me trying to get up there. I am now looking at 'Operation Back up dress' just in case. Sigh.

In other wedding news, the planner mentioned on Monday she'd need our table plans 15 days before the wedding. Table plans??? This was not something that had even entered my head. I'd very much assumed we'd just let people sit where they want - after all, there are only about 65 guests and as far as I am aware, none of them hate each other. The thought of having to sit and plan who sits with who has my breaking out into a cold sweat.... I've requested we just plan the top table, but had no response yet. Failing that, we'll just sit everyone alphabetically or something, how bad can that be, right? (I joke of course....)

So, once again I am committing to being a little bit better. If I can just lose a stone, I will be happier and it might get rid of this double chin or maybe that's because I am now 36 and everything is sagging?

This week I have to contend with:

• Dinner and a show tonight with the girls
• Girls night out on Friday
• Hotel stay and dinner with the boy on Saturday.

If I can successfully navigate all of that and stay on track and get myself to the gym, miracles will never cease. 

A week in photos

As you may be able to tell, from the radio silence, I have been on holiday. I had planned to post last week,  but as soon as I turned my laptop on, I was hit with a load of work emails and Skype messages, far too depressing so that immediately got turned off.

I had a lovely week off, shame the weather was so utterly crapola. It is starting to depress me now. I got all gung ho when we had that nice week and got out all of my summer clothes, I am now sat shivering at my desk with a heater on. Come on UK, sort it out.

So, the week off was spent doing lots of lovely things. We had a couple of nights in a Spa hotel, a lunch with friends, an afternoon tea, a weekend in Stockholm and my 36th Birthday (I am so old).

Probably easier if I just post (a lot) of photos. Since it was my birthday yesterday (did I mention this already??!) There was a lot of nice food and some alcohol involved.... I imagine I'm about 2 stone heavier... but it was worth it.

Clockwise top L-R

Hastings beach

Hastings Cliff side railway

Rye

Lamb 3 ways

Rye

Battle

Me & the boy

The Pantiles in Tunbridge Wells

14th Century Pub

Prosceco Afternoon Tea

Pork Burrito

Cocktails

Swedish Meatballs

Expensive Swedish Beer

Nasty Swedish Wine

Breakfast

Open Lamb Sandwich

Wagu Beef Ribeye

Drinks by the Sea

Sweden

Open Lamb Sandwich

Pressed Pigs head with Mushroom Salad

Tonka Bean Pudding

Lemon Sole

 The last place deserves a mention all of it's own - Matbaren in Stockholm. It was utterly amazing. The dishes are all the same size, so you chose one by one and see how you get on. I managed 4, but I wish I could have done more. Everything was utterly delicious - seriously, that Lemon Sole - out of this world...

We walked loads over the past week, went to the gym a few times and I listened to the Slim Pods every day. I'm definitely more mindful of what I am eating - i.e. less of it, but I am not sure there is a massive change in my behaviour. We will see the damage tomorrow, I guess.

Back to earth with a bang today. Work, miserable weather and PT planned for tonight. Ouch.

Brainwashing

This is my latest attempt to sort my head out - Slim Pods.

I am open to trying most things (well apart from existing on shakes, I managed 2 meals of that once before I wanted to chew my own arm off) and when I read a couple of good reviews on these, I thought why the hell not. What's £29.99 between friends?

I do think I am a completely mindless eater. I obsess over food, I eat when I am bored, sad, happy and also when I am full. I love food, I love nothing more than trying new restaurants and obsessing over the menu. I think about food a lot and then when I eat, I stop thinking and start wolfing.

Unfortunately, food does not love me. Well perhaps that is not true, I think it maybe loves me a bit much so it wants to cling to my hips and bum for dear life.

So, anything that can maybe sort out my head when it comes to eating has to be worth a shot, right? Basically, I listen to this voice talking to me for around 10 minutes a day and it should stop me obsessing over food. I will still eat what I want, but only what I need. Sounds fairly straightforward. I've listened to it the past 2 mornings, so it's a bit hard to say if it's effective since it takes 21 days to change a habit, but we shall see. I've nowt to lose really - other than my 30 quid.

I've definitely felt a bit more mindful of my food, which I am sure is entirely physiological. Last night, for example, we'd planned marinated chicken quarter with oven chips and veg. However, when it came to dinner, I wasn't overly hungry (this never stops me) so I had a sausage sandwich instead. A lot less points and very satisfying. This morning when I got up, I wasn't particularly hungry either, so I had a yoghurt for breakfast and that was enough - this is never enough.

Now I know I am probably jumping the gun severely, I don't think this is the answer to all of my problems, but it definitely can't do any harm. Watch this space.

In other news, I am almost on holiday. I cannot wait for a week off work. We've lots planned, which could cause diet problems, but I'll just take it one meal at a time. You never know, this slimpod could be the answer....

Right people, enjoy the lovely long weekend! x