See you on the other side

I'm off to get myself a husband. I shall be back in a little over 2 weeks. Normal service shall then resume!

If you're on instagram, there may be wedding photos there before I get back :) @linzerello

x

I'm still here

I'm just in a bit of panic mode as this time next week I'll be in Italy preparing for my wedding!

I seriously can't believe it's come round so quickly. I'm totally not organised whatsoever. Work is crazy at the moment, 4 of my team are off (thanks boss) so any ideas I had of taking it easy and sorting wedding related matters have gone out of the window.

On the positive side, this has led to me losing a few pounds without trying as I've been too busy to eat!

I finally tried on my wedding dress last weekend and it needed taking in and up a bit, but other than that it was perfect. Exactly as I'd imagined. That's one less thing to panic about.

Next week see's me attempting some form of grooming. I've a haircut, massage, manicure and pedicure, bikini wax and an eyelash tint all booked at various stage through the week. I'll then spend the first week in Italy attempting to avoid any form of tan lines as that's seriously not a good look with a strapless dress.

In other news, my ankle is once again buggered. It keeps swelling up to mammoth proportions and is fairly painful. My doc, PT and physio have all told me to go for an X-ray, but there is no way I'm walking down the aisle with a cast on my foot, so I'm just strapping it up for now and ignoring it (stupid??) It's meant I've had to concentrate on rowing in the gym as running is out, but I'm still attempting exercise at least.

So that's me, life is a bit of a whirlwind at the moment. I collect my wedding dress today, we're travelling up North for 24 hours to surprise my Mother for her 60th birthday and then I need to think about packing for my wedding.

I'll leave you with a thing of beauty, my wedding shoes crystallised by my little sister. I'm in love with them.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Hen Weekend

I'm aware I've been utterly rubbish at this blogging business of late, life seems to be flying past at an alarming rate of knots. I appear to be getting married this month and I am pretty sure I am not even slightly prepared...

I've just spent the best weekend ever with my friends and family (of the female variety) in York for my hen weekend. We stayed in a 'Boutique' Hostel right in the centre of York which was perfect as we ended up with a whole building to ourselves. 2 of my closest friends organised it so well and I really couldn't have asked for more. There was a lot of alcohol involved (as you'd probably expect with me, starting with the 4 hour train journey), pizza & prosecco on  the Friday - along with a lot of bad photos of me from over the years followed by dancing til the early hours.

 on the train.... 

Saturday involved a champagne breakfast, cocktail making, a Mr & Mrs Quiz (bless Matt he was both very funny and very sweet in his answers), dinner, drinks and more clubbing (and possibly a very naked stripper) and then Sunday saw me really struggling with near alcohol poisoning.

hangover cure

me and my mother making cocktails... 

oh dear.......

It was deliciously tacky and so lovely to have my friends and family all together and left me very emotional. I had so many lovely messages after the event from people saying how much they'd enjoyed themselves and how much they were looking forward to the wedding, I've been crying at the drop of a hat ever since.

This week has been a struggle. Lack of sleep, plus too much alcohol meant I couldn't even contemplate PT on Monday. I've that pleasure tonight. Booze is off my radar for the foreseeable so that's one blessing and I'm drowning myself in water in an attempt to give my poor liver a break. 

I am having a dress fitting next weekend - I really hope I love it because quite frankly it's far too late if I don't and then we are on the home straight. 3 weeks on Friday til we fly out there. I really can't believe it's almost here.

Catching up

Life has been a bit mental of late. Work is stupid, I'm on countdown to my holiday (and wedding!) as work stress is making me turn to Cider (well that and the sun). 4 weeks tomorrow folks. Eeeeek.

In the meantime, I'm still attempting not to lose the plot completely. PT is still in full flow, although a small walk last weekend in the sun has lead to more ligament damage in my cankle. I've been told to go for an xray, but I am pretending I've not heard, as I really can't be doing with a pot on my leg and a wedding dress. Currently, it's fairly swollen and intermittently painful, so I'm trying to do exercise like rowing (flipping hideous) to avoid any further issues. I guess I just need to keep an eye on it and hope the swelling/ pain disappears. I can't stop exercising or I'll be a hideous, sweaty mess on my wedding day.

Eating is still a tad suspect, I have saintly days and I have sod it days. I'm maintaining currently, but ideally want to get a few pounds off over the next couple of weeks to give me a buffer for the holiday. I'm far too drawn to Cider when the sun shines.

In wedding related news, it's my hen do this weekend. 23 of us are headed to York, which I suspect will be messy. A lot of my friends are newish mum's having  their first weekend away, I predict a lot of boozing will take place. I've no idea what is planned, so it will all be a massive surprise to me. Really looking forward to seeing all of my friends in one place. I don't expect to come back from the weekend having lost weight, anyway.

And finally, apparently there is some form of Wedding dress in the making. I'm booked in for a fitting 2 weeks before we fly out and they know they've only a week to make any changes.... what can possibly go wrong?

Right, I'm off to enjoy the sun before it leaves us again. Happy Weekend's folks!

A table for two...

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments on my last post. You lot officially ROCK.

I've had a couple of PT sessions since my last post and I am suffering majorly today. My instructor decided we should embrace rowing. It's a bloody massacre - who knew? The good thing about a PT session is that I sleep like the proverbial baby after a session so I always wake up the next day feeling all energised, but also unable to move. Not an ideal combination.

The weekend was lovely, but over too soon. My parents came to stay on Friday for a couple of days so it was lovely to see them. This led to much alcohol on Friday night (but no food, not clever), some walking/ shopping and eating on Saturday and then an afternoon tea on Sunday. Nothing too hideous really and the scales still have me maintaining.

I'm actually finding, since I banished the word 'diet' from my mind, that I am no longer craving the crap. There is something wrong with me, I am sure. I don't have a sweet tooth and rarely want chocolate, cakes or biscuits. Yet, tell me I am on Weight Watchers or something similar, then it's all I can think about. How can I sneak a bar of chocolate into my points and what will I have to give up to accommodate this thing that I absolutely have to eat?

Tell me I can eat what I want, within reason, well I don't seem to want it. Am I alone in this? I am now wondering if a life spent dieting has contributed to my current obese predicament. Obviously this is not the only reason, I'm clearly a little bit greedy and lazy, but the constant denying myself of food only to eat more of it than I wanted, can't have been healthy.

In other, wedding related news, it's 5 weeks til we fly to Sorrento and 6 weeks til we get wed. Where has the time gone? I'm still not in panic mode, but I expect it to hit me some time soon.

We finally submitted our table plans, which caused a little bit of soul searching. After the weekend spent with Matt's mother, we had both decided she was unlikely to be a beacon of joy at the wedding and I was getting myself all worked up at the thought she'd upset/annoy me with her miserable ways.

We originally did the table plans with her on the top table with us, I suspect this is traditional? However, the more we looked at it, the more we both decided it was our day and we really didn't want her moaning throughout and possibly spoiling it. I am not saying she'd deliberately set out to do that, but she can't help herself. She is one of life's moaners. Nothing is ever nice or lovely or fun and the thought of someone pushing their 140 euro meal around their plate and complaining that the beef was too bloody or that they hate pasta, well it was too much.

So, she's been put on the newly organised 'Family Table' which also includes my Auntie, who is of a similar frame of mind. I suspect they will get on like a house on fire complaining at the awfulness of it all and I will be none the wiser.

I suspect the wedding will feel a lot more real next week. My hen do is just over a week away and I cannot wait. There are 23 of us heading to York for the weekend and 2 of my closest friends have organised it all without me really have to be involved at all. They know me pretty well, so I doubt we'll be rock climbing or white water rafting, but I am totally in the dark about any activities.

I think once that is over, I'll really feel like I am getting married (still no dress but I am ignoring that). Eeeek.

Realisations

I've been avoiding the subject of my 'diet' for an age. After much soul searching and inner conflict, I've come to realise that I'm actually ok as I am - ok scratch that, I'm actually pretty cool as I am.

Having spent more than half my life attempting to lose weight, I've pretty much forgotten why I wanted it in the first place. Maybe because I felt like the thing I should be doing, maybe because I've been told all of my life that fat can't be healthy, maybe I just did it because it became the norm.

I've abandoned Weight Watchers, I got completely sick of points and scrutinising every morsel that passed my lips (not that I was overly good at that). I know it works for a lot of people, but it doesn't really work for me.

I don't sit here and stuff my face with all sorts of crap anyway, I'm generally quite healthy. I love good food, rarely eat take-aways or fast food. I enjoy cooking, I eat fruit and veg and drink gallons of water. I exercise. I also like to drink, I like the odd cider on a school night or a glass of wine with my dinner and I don't want to have to forgo this so I can have an extra couple of potatoes or a bag of crisps.

Admittedly, I'm slightly heavier than I am most comfortable with, but I am going to stop stressing over those bloody scales.All it's getting me is a lot of self grief and that's not healthy.

So basically, I'm going to keep doing what I am doing. Keep eating well, keep up the PT sessions and the gym and keep liking myself. Who knows, once I stop thinking about it all the time, I might even get back down to my happy weight. And if not, well it's not really the end of the world.

***EDIT***
I was reminded by Leslie's comment that I still need to keep an eye on things (thanks Leslie). I've been maintaining my weight, unintentionally, for a good few weeks now, but I still need to keep on top of that. The last thing I want is to end up heavier... So I'll still get weighed every week or so, just to make sure I don't end up out of control.

Obsessed with the number....

It's July. How has this happened so quickly? This means one thing - I get married next month. Admittedly, the very end of next month, but still, next month.

This leads me to believe I won't be the 18 pounds lighter I was hoping for (I'm clever like that). Short of cutting off a limb or catching dysentery, I've pretty much buggered that up. However, I had a bit of an epiphany at the weekend - it doesn't matter to anyone other than me (and possibly my mother) what I weigh, I've spent the last few months beating myself up over my lack of weight loss and I honestly don't really know why. Maybe because it's what I think I should be doing.

I've been attempting to lose/control my weight for half of my life, this is quite a depressing thought. When do we get to a point when we stop battling and start accepting who we are? At the moment, I am probably the fittest I've been for a very long time, possibly ever. I'm rarely ill (touch wood), I am eating well (just a bit too much) and I exercise.

I'm in a happy place, I like, no, scratch that, I love my life. I'm marrying the man I love, a man who makes me laugh every single day. My best friends and closest family are coming to share our big day. I will be fat. I have always been fat. I don't think anyone will judge me for not being a size 8 on my wedding day, because it's not me. It's never been me.

The dress I've ordered is exactly what I want and exactly what I would have ordered if I was a size 10 or 12 or 20 (that's if the dress is actually ever made, we'll brush that under the carpet for now). I really can't imagine what losing a couple of stone would add to my day. I am not exactly lacking in confidence, so for now I am going to stop concerning myself so much over the number on the scales.

This doesn't mean I'm off to bulk buy Greggs Steak Bakes. I am still going to exercise, still have PT once a week, still eat lots of fruit and veg and still watch my alcohol intake. But, I am going to stop worrying over the bloody numbers.

And so ends the Sermon according to Linz. Thanks for listening folks.