It's July. How has this happened so quickly? This means one thing - I get married next month. Admittedly, the very end of next month, but still, next month.
This leads me to believe I won't be the 18 pounds lighter I was hoping for (I'm clever like that). Short of cutting off a limb or catching dysentery, I've pretty much buggered that up. However, I had a bit of an epiphany at the weekend - it doesn't matter to anyone other than me (and possibly my mother) what I weigh, I've spent the last few months beating myself up over my lack of weight loss and I honestly don't really know why. Maybe because it's what I think I should be doing.
I've been attempting to lose/control my weight for half of my life, this is quite a depressing thought. When do we get to a point when we stop battling and start accepting who we are? At the moment, I am probably the fittest I've been for a very long time, possibly ever. I'm rarely ill (touch wood), I am eating well (just a bit too much) and I exercise.
I'm in a happy place, I like, no, scratch that, I love my life. I'm marrying the man I love, a man who makes me laugh every single day. My best friends and closest family are coming to share our big day. I will be fat. I have always been fat. I don't think anyone will judge me for not being a size 8 on my wedding day, because it's not me. It's never been me.
The dress I've ordered is exactly what I want and exactly what I would have ordered if I was a size 10 or 12 or 20 (that's if the dress is actually ever made, we'll brush that under the carpet for now). I really can't imagine what losing a couple of stone would add to my day. I am not exactly lacking in confidence, so for now I am going to stop concerning myself so much over the number on the scales.
This doesn't mean I'm off to bulk buy Greggs Steak Bakes. I am still going to exercise, still have PT once a week, still eat lots of fruit and veg and still watch my alcohol intake. But, I am going to stop worrying over the bloody numbers.
And so ends the Sermon according to Linz. Thanks for listening folks.
I've tried to reply to your post a couple of times but each time I've written something it doesn't come out right.
ReplyDeleteWhat I really want to say is that I'm so pleased that you've realised that it's not the digits on the scales that count. I got so wound up recently that the scales weren't budging (but I was the fittest I think I've ever been) because I was trying to please someone else i.e my bloody doctor, that I wasn't enjoying my life. I'd find myself saying no to invites out with friends and family because I was worried what it would do to the scales and in all honesty, life is far too short to worry about the small things and life is for living. You need to enjoy the time with friends and family and take every opportunity that comes your way. Well, I say every opportunity, perhaps every school night is a bit too much but you know what I mean.
You have an amazing life with an adorable fella (us Baggies should stick together), you look fantastic in the clothes you wear as you wear clothes that suit your shape and you accentuate your assets!
I've been having the same epiphany (granted on a smaller scale) recently and have decided to calm down on the WW front. It wasn't doing me any favours being so obsessive but it has helped me to get to where I need to be. I'm far more confident and healthier now than ever and that's surely what matters the most.
Sorry for rambling!!
Enjoy the build up to your wedding Linz, you'll look back and smile, I promise! xx
Thanks Emma. I'm glad you know where I am coming from. It can get to the point where all you do is obsess and I think that's almost as unhealthy than being a bit overweight!
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Most brides seem to feel the need to lose weight for their big day. But the thing most ladies forget is that the man waiting for you at the alter is the man who already loves you, just the way you are. And, I'd hope the friends and family looking at you walking down the ailse love you just the way you are, too. If they didn't, I'm sure they wouldn't be your friends! You look lovely just as you are, and what ever size your wedding dress will be, you're going to look amazing on your big day! I hope you have the wedding of your dreams, Linz- you deserve it xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Louise, I think we all feel a pressure to be a certain way and it's hard to accept sometimes when you don't conform. I'm going to keep on doing what I am doing, just stop worrying about it so much x
DeleteYou are an example to us all with that positive mental attitude. Enjoy every minute of your wedding - and that great life you have.
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Thanks P. It's taken me 18 years to be more positive. I think it's now come from the "I've left it too late to do anything about this so I just need to bloody well accept it" mentality :) x
Deletegood for you!
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