Round and round in circles....

I am back from another holiday and finding it all a bit of a struggle. I had an amazing time in the US. Chicago was very lovely, we ate at Alinea which was most definitely the best culinary experience of my life, beats the Fat Duck hands down in my opinion. We then spent a lovely week with friends in California where we managed to get in another Michelin star at the very lovely Chez TJ, ate BBQs on the beach, explored San Fran and generally had a very lovely time and now I am hankering after a life elsewhere....

Since we got back, life has been pretty full on. I have been out the last 10 nights in a row and I am utterly exhausted (extremely bad diary management). Work is also taking it's toll, so I'm now in job search mode which is also adding to my stress levels. All the self doubt suddenly creeps in when you have to go out and sell yourself.

Usually I am happy and full of the joys of life, but this last week I've felt like crying on more than one occasion and have become a hypochondriac of the highest order. Yesterday I had a couple of experiences which made me realise something has got to change, and that has to be the number I see on the scales.

1. I have been feeling off for the past few days, nothing I can really put my finger on (aches and pains, slightly dizzy etc), but I am one of life's worriers, couple that with Google and I am imagining all manner of horror. Yesterday I couldn't decide if I was experiencing heart or kidney failure, but either way, I was paranoid enough to consider driving to casualty. I wouldn't be worrying about minor aches and pains if I wasn't the size of a small island. Something has to give (and preferably not my heart or kidneys).
2. Inability to fit in my seat when we went to see Frank Skinner last night at the Reading Hexagon. We always try to get seats near the stage when we go to the Hexagon and I generally have no issue. The balcony, however, is a different matter. I was so uncomfy in the ridiculously small seat that I was pretty sure I'd end up with Deep Vein Thrombosis. My legs were jammed so far against the seat in front because my backside is so big, it was possibly the most painful (yet very funny) experience I have ever paid for. 

I don't really know what my plan is. I am still fighting a mental battle against rejoining WW or SW as I really hate the whole diet group mentality, but I seem incapable of losing weight on my own. I don't want to lose a lot, a few stone maybe to get me back to my comfortable weight, but I don't know where to start. I have a few good days and then I get pee'd off with work or something else and I treat myself with food or alcohol. 

One thing I do know is that I need to get fitter. I've become pretty inactive and it's not helping me at all. My ankles are swelling from long periods sat at my desk (contributed to my belief a major organ was failing yesterday) and my legs are aching at night pretty badly which is disrupting my sleep. They certainly aren't aching from the hours of walking I do... I am never ill, but if I carry on like this, it's only a matter of time.

So whilst looking for a new job and attending interviews, I need to come up with a plan to address my health and weight. It's all very overwhelming... 

Anyway, enough of my self pity. I will leave you with some photos of  the past few weeks to remind myself that life is actually pretty damn good. 

Guess where I am?

The view from our hotel in Chicago

Alinea

Grant Achatz making our dessert at our table (amazing)

Beach BBQ

San Francisco from the top of Lombard Street

Drinks by the river

A rude awakening

Thanks all for your lovely comments on my last post. I really need to make time to catch up with everyone.

My first week at attempting to be better went so badly. If I was ever in any doubt, it is now confirmed I am a stress eater.

Last week at work was awful. A new initiative from some Vice President of Vice Presidents in the US sees my team being told we need to shift our working hours from flexible to permanent 1000-1900 and we must all cover one day at the weekend. Permanently. Clearly I am not signing up for that since my weekends are far too important to me. I am currently exploring my options but it's been a pretty stressful week and as the manager of the team I am trying so hard to find a solution that helps everyone but it's a big fight I am not sure I can win. This means lots of alcohol and junk food. Not ideal.

Anyway. The weekend was lovely, we went out for dinner and drinks on Friday with friends and then Saturday we spent in the Cotswolds. It reminded me why I cannot allow any job to take away my Saturday or Sunday forever....

Lovely lunch at the Swan in Bibury

Bibury

Lower Slaughter

A rude awakening in the form of stepping onto the scales took place on Tuesday. Seriously the heaviest I have ever been. It's exactly the kick I needed to get me back on the straight and narrow.

I'm monitoring my calorie intake for now and then I'll take proper action once I get back from the States (Peridot, any advice on good places to visit is appreciated, my friends have only been there a month). I'm contemplating Slimming World again as I am not sure I can live my life counting points again, but we shall see how things progress after 10 days of US portion sizes :)

In an attempt to remind me that work is not the be all and end all and that my life is really quite happy, I am taking part in the #100happydays challenge on Instagram. I need to get back to appreciating all the little things in life and hopefully a happier me means less stress eating and some sort of downward trend on the scales. Wish me luck.

Catching up (yet again)

So, I've been AWOL forever which is never a good sign, right? I've just returned from an amazing 2 weeks in Jamaica so life if pretty good at the moment, but I am probably the heaviest I have ever been in my life (2 weeks All Inclusive will do that to you). I need a plan of action because my clothes as starting to feel pretty unpleasant and you'll understand why in a minute that I am on a complete spending ban.

Life has been pretty crazy of late, we had a month of madness in February which saw us eat at The Fat Duck, Restaurant Gordon Ramsay and Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester. 9 Michelin stars in a week... utterly ridiculous but the best culinary week of my life. It was Matt's birthday and I'd managed to get reservations at his top 3 UK picks with the idea of us cancelling 2 once he decided which one he preferred... that didn't happen. Probably the most expensive month of my life, so thankfully the Jamaica holiday was paid for last year and didn't involve us spending any more money for 2 weeks.... All of the restaurants were utterly amazing though, the food at Gordon Ramsay was a particular high, but you really can't beat the Fat Duck for the wow factor.

Since I last managed to blog I've also managed to cram in the following as well as the above:

A weekend in Liverpool to see friends
A girlie weekend in Glasgow
A Christening back in my home town
Hospitality at West Brom v Liverpool (my Anniversary present to Matt).

You can see why my eating and exercise has not been the best....

Jamaica was a total delight, I wasn't really sure what to expect but it was a gorgeous place, white sandy beaches, turquoise seas and the most friendly people you can imagine. Back to work yesterday to an inbox of 147,000 emails (yup, one hundred and forty seven thousand) which took me all day to delete. Talk about bumping back down to earth.

So, I have 4 weeks until we jet off to the US for 10 days (I know, bad planning) to visit Chicago and San Francisco (my best friend has just emigrated to SF for 2 years, makes me all teary thinking about it).The plan is to continue with the smoothies for breakfast (carrot, apple, grape, spinach & lemon today), light lunches and a normal (but reduced size) dinner and less booze. I'm also going to try and do a bit more walking (I did 9 holes of the golf course with Matt on Sunday, purely as a spectator) until we join a new gym when we return from the States.

Then it's full steam ahead, back on the 5:2 diet, back at the gym and hopefully I can get back to my happy (but still fat) weight :)

Football (I am Mrs Jones these days)

The Fat Duck

The Fat Duck

The Great Northern Hotel (in between Gordon Ramsay and Alain Ducasse)

Jamaica - Montego Bay

Jamaica -  Montego Bay

Jamaica - Montego Bay

Jamaica - Ocho Rios

Golf with the husband

Golf with the husband

So there we go, a quick 2 month catch up and yet another promise to myself to be better. Fingers crossed you see more posts from me which means good things are happening....

Food and big cats

8 days since my last post and I'm already back again, this is progress and clearly means I have something boastful to report. Oh yes, I've shed 6 pounds. Happy dance. I've not really done anything remarkable, other than continue with the smoothies daily and I've taken my own lunch to work. Just goes to show how much crap I was eating during the latter part of last year.

We had another busy weekend. Saturday saw us head into London to see the matinee of Cirque du Soleil  at the Royal Albert Hall. Awesome show, you can't beat Cirque du Soleil for jaw dropping acrobatics.

For us though, no day out is complete without a meal out or two. I'm obsessed with food (you probably can't tell by the size of me) so spend hours researching restaurants every time we go anywhere.

We started with brunch at the Modern Pantry in Clerkenwell. I opted for the Feta, Sweetcorn, Chilli and Curry leaf waffles with streaky bacon. Sounds random, tastes awesome.

After the show we'd booked ourselves a table at Hakkasan, Michelin starred Chinese is not something you can turn down, now is it? This place is cool - and I mean too cool for a couple of OAP's like us. The music is very loud (do I sound like my Dad??) and you're sat in very close proximity to your fellow diners, but the food is pretty awesome. We ordered far too much thinking Michelin starred means tiny portions, we were wrong and were badly defeated. Roasted mango duck in lemon sauce is probably  the best thing I've ever eaten in a Chinese restaurant in my life and look at these for Prawn toast:

I'm hungry at the thought of it. If you're a lover of Chinese, do it, you won't regret it (well the bill is perhaps regrettable, but you know).

Sunday was slightly different, we headed up to Paradise Wildlife Park for a champagne breakfast with snow leopards - random much? It was my Christmas present to Matt since he's obsessed with big cats and it was awesome. We ate breakfast with snow leopards roaming around (behind glass of course) and then we got to feed a few of the big cats. Pretty special if you like animals. 

This weekend see's just a lunch with friends on Saturday and that's it! It's our first full weekend at home for about 6 months so I intend to embrace the sofa. Happy days.

Resolutions or lack of....

Oh dear, another New Year and another one where I am heavier than I ever thought possible. I seem to be gaining on average around 2 stone a year so something has to give otherwise I'll be hitting 40 and be weighing around the same in stones. The biggest issue for me with weight loss is apathy, I don't dislike myself so it's very hard for me to convince myself I need to change, but for the sake of comfort (I've had to buy emergency bra's over Xmas) I need to do something :)

My New Year's resolution is not "I must lose weight" (I mean I want to lose weight but that's not my resolution), I fail miserably at that time and time again, so I'm just going to resolve to being healthier. I can't do anything too drastic as that's far too miserable and God knows, January is depressing enough. I came back to work  62,000 emails (I kid you not) and a 3 hour commute today due to flooding. Things can only get better, right?

The juices/ smoothies are still in full flow, I'm enjoying the green sludge on a daily basis and I'm now coupling that with homemade soup or a salad for lunch and a 'proper' dinner. I'm also attempting a sort of dry January, in that we're cutting out all mid week boozing and attempting at least a couple of weeks off. Once I've settled into a routine with the eating then I'll attempt some exercise too. Happy Days!

On a brighter note, we had a lovely Christmas and New Year. We spent a week at my parents in Durham and then went on a mini tour of Scotland staying in  Dundee, Inverness, Oban and then back via the Lake District. All very lovely. Too much alcohol was consumed and too much food! New Years Eve saw us in a Roux restaurant in Inverness, we had the most amazing Fish and Chips in Oban and finished it off with an amazing 6 course lunch at l'enclume in Cartmel in the Lakes to name but a few.

New Years Eve

Loch Ness

View from our B&B in Keswick

L'enclume lunch 

So here we go, hopefully you'll see a bit more of me over the coming months which will prove I'm making the right kind of progress....

Goin' down the only road I've ever known.....

Right, so silence usually means things aren't going well on the 'let's be healthier and possibly lose some weight' front? Well that'd be correct.

I've not weighed myself in months, so I suspect things could be bad, but I'm struggling to motivate myself to do much about it at the moment.

In my defence (cue a list of excuses) I've been promoted, so work is quite crazy (but at least I am paid for the craziness now), we've been spending a lot of time gallivanting and socialising around the country, so I'm either eating out or drinking out and when I'm actually at home or able to leave work at a reasonable time, well the gym is the last place I fancy.

But... last week when Selfridges had some fancy 20% off promotion, we did invest in a Vitamix. I am hailing this as the answer to all of my healthy eating prayers. So far, so good. I've been devouring green sludge every morning (which actually fills me up way past lunch) and really quite enjoying it. This little beauty contains Kale, Spinach, Grapes, Apple, Clementine Banana, Lemon Juice, Wheat grass powder & Flaxseed. Surprisingly good and all of my 5 a day in one fell swoop.

So, I've made a promise to myself, continue with the green sludge for now and then in the new year, start afresh with a more concerted effort. I might have to rejoin Weight Watchers or some other class, as I'm clearly useless at going it alone, I don't overly care about what I weigh any more, I just need to be healthy and fit. Exercise also needs to make a reappearance as I'm in danger of needing a zimmer frame before long.

In the words of Whitesnake, 'Here I go again".........

Gourmet dining and man flu

Oh man flu, it's been a while. We had a lot of run ins last year, you were pretty much stalking me for a while, but I thought we'd moved on from that. I was mistaken, you persistent little bugger.

I appear to have become delirious. Having spent the weekend laid up with a pretty nasty cold which now appears to have lodged itself firmly on my chest, I am still feeling on the fragile side of well so work feels pretty tedious today. Plus I am talking to an illness, so what can I say?

Anyway, I digress. Since my last post, life hasn't overly slowed down much. We spent the weekend before last, in London at the lovely York & Albany. I know we only live 25 mins away from London by train, but we like to spoil ourselves once a year with a weekend in London proper.

We spent the Saturday in gastronomic heaven. Brunch at Balthazar (Macaroni cheese for brunch?).

Then the evening was spent at possibly the best restaurant I've ever had the pleasure of eating in - Le Gavroche.

One word - AMAZING. We obviously went for the 9 course tasting menu (Menu Exceptionnel) with matching wines (I'm a porker, what else would I opt for??) and I can honestly say, every single course was divine. The Souffle Suissesse was amazing, but it really all was. If you fancy re-mortgaging your house and you are in London, go, you really won't regret it.

So, once again the get healthy quest is on hold. I was meant to have a 600 calories day today, but since I am currently coughing up both lungs, I didn't think that was the most sensible of options.

I'm hoping to be feeling more human again soon so we'll try and restart once again....