So here's the deal. I don't want children. I'm not particularly a kiddie hater, but I really just don't want my own. I feel like I'm admitting to some heinous crime here.
As I approach marriage, the question I'm constantly facing is 'when will you have kids?'
Me not wanting kids has always been the case. I don't understand why people think a ring on my finger suddenly means I need to reproduce. I get why people want kids, I really do, so why don't people get why I don't?
All of my close friends have kids, as a childless person, this is ultimately a little bit dull ( I realise this sounds selfish) I realise that their children are currently their sole focus, I really do. I get that, to them, their child is the funniest/ cutest/best thing that ever lived, but to me me, ultimately its a baby, that doesn't overly do much and stops my friends being the people I used to know.
I adore my nieces. When they call me or I see them, they make me smile a lot. I really enjoy spending time with them. But, after 48 hours in their company, I'm ready for a rest. They are great and I adore them, but it really is not for me.
I've not had a drunken girlie night with my bestest girl friends since August last year and even then, half of them were pregnant. Whilst this is not the end of the world (me and Matt have plenty of inebriated evenings), I really miss it.
When I see most of my friends these days, I go to them. This is fine, it makes sense. Usually after work so I travel 30 odd miles and we chat and it's lovely. Lovely but very different. We talk babies. I'm well versed in baby chat. I like their kids, I adore one of them (I was there when he entered the world) but it's just not how I expected things would turn out.
I know there will come a time when I'll have the old friends back, and I'm pretty sure I'll be the one they'll call for that night out. So I guess I'll wait patiently til then.
Some of my friends are amazing and do still make a real effort and they genuinely understand my opinion, but some just don't and probably never will, get it.
This is not just a random post. Having decided (when I was like 12) that kids were not my bag, and being with a man who shares my beliefs, Matt booked himself in for the snip. No big deal.
Except suddenly a lot of my friends think they should convert me to their way of thinking.
"are you really sure, it seems so final?"
"you realise he won't be able ejaculate ever again?" (FYI - bullshit)
"has he forced you into believing you shouldn't have kids, cos you'd be a brilliant mother?"
"what else is there to do once you're married?" (this one scared me the most - even if it was a joke)
Aaaaaarghhhh. I just don't want children. I'm sorry if this makes me odd. I wish I could conform to the norm, but I can't. So please, cut me a bit of slack, I'm approaching 36 years of age. I know what I want.
I get why you want kids, please get why I don't.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I feel exactly the same, so there's at least two of us in this world! I'm 36 too. My first long relationship (14yrs) ended, in part, because despite me saying I didn't want children he kept a secret hope that I would change my mind. This was fuelled by his Mum and friends telling him things like "just you wait, a year after you get married she'll be desperate for kids". It didn't happen, I felt exactly the same and was really disturbed by everyone else telling me how I should feel.
ReplyDeleteI love my nephew to pieces and feel a million dollars when he gives me a hug, but that's not the same as wanting to be a Mum myself. Some people really can't comprehend it though and have said things like "what's wrong with you?!" "you'll be a lonely old woman" and other things I wouldn't say to my worst enemy let alone a friend. I have seriously thought about saying I wasn't able to have children so they'd leave me be.
The important thing is that your partner feels the same and you can support each other when under attack by the fanatics! Hey, now that I'm a singleton again I can at least say I don't have a suitable donor.....every cloud eh?! ;)
Hetty x
Whilst I am at the moment pretty undecided either way (but do find babies pretty dull), I can sympathise. I'm 33 and have been dealing with the dearth of female friends since they all started getting married and reproducing from 21 onwards, so I say if you are only experiencing being left out of stuff now, you've been doing pretty well!
ReplyDeleteYour mates will come out the other side once the rugrats are in school and more independent from them, don't worry.
My wonderful gay friends made it easier to still have a social life- so maybe you need to become a fag hag! :-D
Motherhood seems to have attained a cult status nowadays, with people defining themselves by their children. I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds this worrying (as well as boring). We are individuals and NOT defined by our reproductive systems!
Whilst they may try and make you feel like you are missing out on something rare and special, it really isn't that unique to get pregnant is it? People have been doing it for centuries and will keep on doing it, it is one of the functions our body is designed to do, but only ONE.
The brilliant thing about being a woman now is that we have the CHOICE and people should respect your choice not to have children as much as any other.
It takes a brave person or should i say woman to admit they don't want children. Society assumes if you don't want them you must be cold or there is something wrong with you. Let me say there is not anything wrong. I love my daughter with all my heart but I find it hard work, dare I even say it tedious at times. I adore her don't get me wrong but i don't feel i have love for another one. She will be my one and only child and the only regret i have is that she'll probably grow up an only child but she'll get over it. There are plenty of people popping out kids out there that couldn't give a shit for them for the rest of us.... xXx
ReplyDeleteHey TraceyB, I'm an only child and I never missed having a sibling; I had plenty of mates who hated their bro/sis (its not a given they'll love each other) so I wouldn't feel guilty!
ReplyDelete