Dear Mr. Personal Trainer....

I know I pay you a lot of money every week to help me to get fit. I know that I am right fatty and when I first met you, my fitness levels were shocking. I also know that we've seen a big improvement in my levels of fitness. However, you are literally beasting me. Seriously, I can barely move any muscle in my body today. Smiling feels painful. Can we please cut this out?

I know you wanted to punish me last night for almost cancelling my session, but did I really need to do such an intensive session? Honestly, 4 different exercises, for 40 seconds and repeat x 3, is really bloody hard for a fatso like me after I've already done sprint intervals on the cross trainer. I know I managed a plank a few weeks ago, but really, expecting me to hold it for 40 seconds next to that really fit bloke who can hold a plank for about 3hours, well that's just evil.

When I told you my lunch might make a reappearance, I wasn't joking. Just be glad I'd already cooked dinner otherwise I'd have been getting a KFC on my way home as the thought of standing for any longer than 10 seconds was beyond me. I had to sit down in the shower for goodness sake.

Oh and apologies for the swearing. I didn't mean to call you that horrible name.

So, in summary, I really appreciate your assisting me in this getting fit malarkey, but next week can we please just be a little bit nicer to each other?

Thanks in advance
Linzerello (literally broken).