Over the last few weeks I have inexplicably developed some form of paranoia about me and Matt. Nothing has changed in our relationship - except we've spent a fair bit of time apart the last few weekends due to various Hen Do's, Stag Do's etc. But I have suddenly found myself doubting him and I HATE it.
My last boyfriend was an arse of the highest order, who couldn't be faithful if his life had depended on it. He almost destroyed me mentally as I became so paranoid and lacking in trust I could barely function. It took me 6 years to finally split up with him and it was the best thing I ever did. I spent 18 months on my own, getting my confidence back and loving myself again and then I met Matt.
Matt is so different to my ex and has never given me any reason to doubt him. I know he loves me loads and I know (as best as you can ever know) that he wouldn't cheat, so why do I keep having these stupid little doubts?? It's driving me mad. I hate it. If he does something even slightly similar to my ex (for example putting his phone down if I walk into the room - well the ex would hide his and have it strapped to his body at all times, but it's similar?!?), then I immediately assume the worst. It's awful. I told him last night I was a bit of a mess at the moment and he was lovely.
Maybe it's just my hormones and normal service will resume soon... I'm normally fairly sure of myself these days so I feel all at sixes and sevens... or whatever the saying is.
So people - any advice?
Back to weight loss topics soon, I promise.
I don't really know what to say. I've had cheating exs too (2 of them!) and it does - unfortunately - scar you emotionally. But I think you have to try and get a grip on yourself and tell yourself that innocent until proven guilty! No mental torture that you put yourself through will change his actions so please try and ignore your fears. Sounds like they're baseless and fretting about what might/could happen doesn't help you. Either of you. Sounds like you need to spend some time together - if too much time apart is the catalyst for feeling like this. Could you schedule a lovely weekend for just you two?
ReplyDeletelove
Peridot x
Thanks Peridot, I think you are right. A weekend together is definitely in order.
ReplyDeleteI need to stop being ridiculous, I think I look for problems where they don't exist!
x
Oh love I know how you feel - I use to feel the same. I never had a cheating ex but when I was 22 my Mum died. My Mum was my best friend and to lose someone that is your security makes you question everything else. I use to be madly paranoid that my Matt (I have a Matt too) would be having an affair / leave me for someone prettier / young / better than me...
ReplyDeleteBut do you know what something just clicked one day and I realised he never would. Why? Because he is a lovely fella that doesn't have it in him to hurt me like that / ruin the life we have. He is happy and content with our relationship and doesn't look for anything else because nothing is missing for him to look! I am sure it is exactly the same for your Matt too - when reading your blogs you both sound so happy and content why would he look for anything else.
I think it is really good and healthy that you have told him about your worries - surely that shows you how much you trust him and how comfortable you are with him that you trust him to confide your deepest worries to him.
I think a weekend away / thrown in with some date nights and quality time together will erase your worries in no time.
Laura
xxxxx
p.s - I have been reading your blogs for a couple of months now - I found you by accident... I was trying to follow my sisters blog when her and her husband with my niece and nephew were travelling the States and I couldn't get it to work... Randomly found your blog and ended up following you to help me figure out how I followed Emily... Anyho - long story short I ended up reading a couple of your posts and you just sounded so lovely and like the kind of girl I'd be friends with I kept following you.
I always think to comment but never do and maybe I should more because your posts keep me motivated and make me feel like I am not in this WW journey alone - thank you xxxx
Aww love, I feel for you, I was in a similar situation too, cheating ex (seems to be a lots of them going around unfortunately!!) I had serious trust issues with Si and would question everything he said/did until it nearly ruins us, that terrified me and I realised that I had a good thing going and had to get over this for the sake of our relationship & my sanity! I spoke it out with Si to make him understand where is was coming from, he was great about it. As the others have said you two seem to have a good relationship so maybe just something as simple as a night away somewhere or even a night in cuddled on sofa will do the trick. Gotta hang onto the good guys, they seem to be few n far between. xxxx
ReplyDeleteYour ex obviously has a lot to answer for - all your feelings of insecurity now are probably entirely down to your earlier experiences with him.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've got a great bloke there - don't let some other twonk ruin it for you!
Sx