Breakfast - 2 sausages (found lurking in freezer) with 2 potato cakes (also found in the freezer)
Lunch - Goats cheese and caramelised onion Pasta (freezer) with extra cheese on top (not needed at all) and sun dried tomatoes (lurking at back of fridge)
6 o'clock ish - 3 Chocolate Digestives whilst holding baby William at my friend's house, plus numerous cups of tea. (why not just the 1??)
Dinner - 2 Bird's Eye Fish Cakes with Potato Gratin and creamed spinach (completely random assortment of foods) followed by a dessert made from tofu, peanut butter and agave syrup blended together (I never eat dessert).
8 points over for the day on a right random assortment of crap.
So I am wondering what the hell is going on with me. I can only conclude I am not focussing completely, because maybe it's just not that important to me at the moment. But, why? Here is what I came up with....
- I don't have a negative self image at all - in fact I am probably guilty of being a little bit too fond of myself so that probably doesn't make me feel the need to change. I don't see a 'fat' person when I look in the mirror. Edit - I even took a photo of myself today (below) to try and prove to myself that I am fat - it didn't work. I have a warped self image!
- I have never experienced 'thin' so I can't envisage how much of an impact it will have on me if I ever actually shed some of the lard. I don't lack confidence at all, so what difference will being thin have on me?
- I have thin friends who never eat and are constantly critical of themselves. They berate themselves if they even inhale a piece of chocolate. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to go out for dinner and push a salad around a plate for fear of gaining a pound.
- I have an inability not to spend money and my wardrobe and drawers are currently massively overflowing with clothes - I can't imagine how bad I'd be if I could just shop anywhere.
Am I making really poor excuses?
The only reason I can think of for losing weight is that it's really not healthy being this weight and even then I struggle with that given I generally (except for the recent dysentery) don't suffer too many ailments. Thin people I know seem to pick up every cold, sniffle and bug (perhaps a massive generalisation) although maybe their insides are in a lot better shape than mine.
I think I've been on this journey for so long, I've totally forgotten why it's important. Can anyone give me a push in the right direction? I'm not about to give up (I won't go and stuff my face with cream cakes at lunchtime as an act of rebellion), but I definitely need to refocus. Help!
I think we've had this conversation
ReplyDeleteBefore; I completely agree with
Everything you said as I feel the same as you about myself. I think diet
Clubs and mags focus on people who
Feel bad about themselves because of
Their weight & hence this is promoted
And assumed to be a motivation for all
People.I knew the diet club
Approach wasn't for me when I looked at
A before + after in a mag + I honestly
Couldn't tell the difference between
The 2 pics of this lady apart from she
Looked a bit older! Infact I preferred
The before pic!
I managed to lose 1st 9lb last year
Without doing much exercise (I mean
Really who has the time?!) + tooling around
With various diets and going it alone.
My motivations are health based; I
Would like to have a fair crack at
Trying for a bairn in a few years +
The gall bladder probs I've had this year
Have brought home how bad dieting is for
You (a common cause of stones).I only want
To get to 16st initially as I too
Have always been fat. Having lost
+ gained 5st before I know this can
Be done but its keeping it off that
Is the issue. Why not take a break, keep recording
Your food if you wish and rectify
Any issues you find as you go along? Sorry
For the giant post but just wanted to say
"You are not alone!"
I am nodding in agreement with points one and two. Even when I was 18st, I knew I was big but never saw myself as an obese person. Looking back at photos now I can see it and cringe. After a few weeks of very good losses this week has been a bit blah and I have not been tracking. The only advice I can give is to keep tracking even when you are not eating what you should be.. to be honest, I don't have the answers but I am with you on feeling that way!
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly the same. I´m doing well for some time and then....
ReplyDeleteAnd I only have to lose about 2lbs to be in the healthy range again. But do you think, I can manage to keep it off, when I do? NO!
Same as you, I can´t really see how my life would change that much.
But when I transitioned from an BMI of 30 to 23.5 it did change my life. I experienced that people saw 'me' first not my weight. However pathetic it is, that's what people do. They judge before you even spoke a word. So it was nice to get rid of that.
Now I want to achieve that I learn how to use food as what it is meant to be. Fuel for your body to function to its best ability. And that hasn´t happened yet. I still use it for all the wrong reasons. But it will happen! It will!
I wish I had the answer. But as Beakerella said: You are not alone! You will get your mojo back!
XX
I agree also with all of the above so I wont just repeat everything.
ReplyDeleteDo the ‘If I do’ and ‘If I don’t’ list.
Write 2 lists.
One list of ‘If I do lose weight I will ...’
One list of ‘If I don’t lose weight I will …’
You will be surprised on how nice the ‘If I do lose weight’ list will look.
Really think about it though, think about your health, the future and what you want out of life and you will get your mojo back. You may just need a break from thinking about food so so much.
I agree, sometimes I struggle to see the point of it all. And although I do have a pretty negative self image, there are times know I totally delude myself about how big I am. I convince myself I'm about the same size as my friends when really I'm about twice as wide. My only advice would be to focus more on the long term health issues. Having colds etc is annoying but not life threatening. Heart disease, diabetes, stroke etc, are far more serious.
ReplyDeleteIn a way, it's a good thing - you dont feel the pressure to madly lose as much weight as possible in a short period of time. So you can do it the real slow and steady way, through gradual changes. And that way, it's far more likely to stick. Just think about how much worse your food today could have been if you hadn't been doing WW, hadn't been tracking at all? Just keep trying. As long as you don't give up, even a half arsed attempt until you get into your groove is better than not doing anything at all.
I think the motivation to lose weight ebbs and flows - the truth is, no matter what the mags etc say, it IS hard and it IS about deprivation. But for me, if I just ate what I wanted, when I wanted, in a couple of years I'd be one of those tabloid horror stories where I had to be winched out of my bed with an industrial crane.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm glad for you that you have such a positive self-image. Dieting doesn't have to come from a place of wretchedness (although that is what works for some people).
Px