I need advice all you wise people out there. My baby sister (who got married at the end of last year) has been diagnosed with Depression. I'll be honest here, I am completely ignorant of this and how it can impact someone. My initial reaction (once again, completely ignorant) was "What does she have to be depressed about?" but I realise it's not something she can control or necessarily something that is guided by an incident as such. I understand it's an illness, I'm just a bit in the dark.
My issue is, I don't really know how to approach her. I called her last night for a chat - asked her how she was (as I would always when I speak to someone) and she burst into tears, told me I couldn't possibly understand and hung up... I'll admit, I felt totally put out by her reaction and a little bit frustrated, which I realise is not helpful at all, so my question is, what do I do?
Do I leave her alone and find out how she is through my mother, or do I text her and tell her I am here if she wants to talk, or do I try calling her again? I just don't know what to do for the best. I realise I can't really help her, but I don't want her to think I don't give a monkeys chuff. I feel out of my depth as I am totally unaware of how she is feeling. I'm also worried about my mother, as she is really worried about my sister. Ho hum, it's a difficult one.
Anyway, in other news, a fairly good day for me yesterday on the food front. I stuck to the plan all day - yes all day. Wonders will never cease. My friend cooked the amazing Jamie Oliver 30 minute steak sandwich last night with celeriac chips (super tasty, I thought I hated the stuff because I cannot abide celery, but whaddya know, it's actually nice, that thing that resembles a brain in my fridge may actually get used now). 39/41 points used.... but we'll say 41 just in case.
Today should be fairly straight forward top. Visiting another friend tonight and she is doing Pizza with Salad, so I guess I load up on salad and try to limit the Pizza intake... that's the theory anyway. Hopefully another day on plan in the bag. Happy dance.
I would text her and just say. I know your not feeling good at the minute and I cannot begin to possibly understand but I'm here for you whenever your ready, I love you and want to see you happy.
ReplyDeleteLeave it for a couple of days and give her a call.
I have no experience with depression but just keep letting her know your there for her, she will open up when she is ready.
x
I agree you should let her know you're there for her, but understand that she may not want to talk.
ReplyDeleteAs frustrating as it is, keep calling, keep trying to chat to her to try to lift her mood, and try not to take it on board yourself. After all, you're not going to be able to fix her.
I don't think you need to change the way you approach her - just realise that her reactions may be different. She might be more irritable or sensitive, so don't take it personally.
At least now she is diagnosed, she can be treated, so that's great news.
Best of luck!!
firstly, depression is not always related to an incident eg she is depressed because....it IS an illness and possibly a chemical imbalance in the brain.
ReplyDeletetext her for now and call her in a couple of days. It is important for her to do things she enjoys and to eat well eg healthily. If she is not eating much, maybe ake a multi vitamin to give her body nutrients.
Be patient. I know it's hard to do so.
http://depression.about.com/cs/basicfacts/a/howtohelp.htm
I wish my OH were around so he could tell you from experience how hard it is to deal with someone with depression - he's had to put up with me for the last three and a half years!
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I think depression does make the sufferer..selfish is the wrong word, but very insular looking. And because, to a certain extent, you've lost your sense of proportion in relation to emotional things you do think that no one can possibly understand what you're going through.
Speaking personally, it was a massive help to know that people were there and were quietly supportive even when I didn't want to talk to them. A text just to say you're there if needed is probably the best thing to do at the moment, and then follow her lead. Don't take it personally if you don't hear anything. Just let her set the agenda for the moment. Now she's been diagnosed, presumably there will be professional help and support available to her which will gradually allow her to regain perspective and reintergrate herself into her life.
I believe that there is a charity helpline (SANE possibly???) which could offer you free advice if you wanted it about how best to help.
Sx
I've always had depression, probably going back before i was a teenager and there has never been a reason for it. So speaking from my experience i would say don't keep phoning her, just text her about everyday stuff and just let her know you're there for her. For me when i'm in a low spell i just want to shut myself away, i don't answer the phone or open the door but i always get texts and its nice to know i'm being thought about without the pressure of having to talk to people, even people i love. Don't be offended about the hanging up or if she doesn't text back, i no its frustrating and it sounds selfish to people who haven't experienced it but people going through a rough time with depression its hard for them to see anything but there own problems (even if there isn't any) there isn't a magic cure but it does get better x x
ReplyDeleteHi Linz, sorry to hear about your sis. I can sympathise with her. It could be just the come down from all the wedding stuff. I got married in October and found that after it I had the honeymoon which took me into Nov then xmas but then after that everything kinda went a bit flat, nowt to look forward to, nowt to plan, nowt to keep my brain ticking over. Although I wouldnt say I am depressed I am certainly down in the dumps and have been for a good few weeks. Maybe you should txt her first to say you are there whenever she needs you and let her make the first move to reach out. xxxx
ReplyDeleteHi Linz
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your sis. Depression is very difficult to understand if you have never had it. I have had it, not severely, but bad enough. The only way I can describe it is it feels like my head is in a thick fog. Everything I thought of,seemed tinged with problems....no matter what was going on in my life, I could only see the bad side of everything.... It is not something you can control on your own, and yes it is an illness, not one that is obvious to see, but can make your life very limited. I would text your sister, and tell her your there for her if and when she wants to talk. Tell her you love her, and that if you can help her you will.... but do give her space. Don't be too pushy, that could make the problem worse....just let her know your thinking of her and want to help...Good luck lovie..xx
My ex-flatmate got diagnosed with depression last year (and well overdue I think, looking back), and in the end the best thing we could do was pretty much carry on as normal for her - in a way much as you would for a grieving person, although i realise the two are completely separate. What I mean though, is being there for them in a positive manner - let them know you're actively there, but ready when they are. Keep inviting them out for the usual stuff, or contacting them as you always would - don't let them isolate themselves too much. More difficult when she doesn't live close admittedly, but it helps maintain some normality when for them everything is strange and as Seren said, feeling very off-kilter.
ReplyDeleteI was diagnosed with this a couple of months ago mainly because of the stress and bullying at work but it has had a huge impact on my life but I heard one of Jeremy Vine's guests on Radio 2 - Tim Cantopher and he was amazing to listen to and I subsequently bought 2 of his books - this one http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depressive-illness-curse-strong-Tim-Cantopher/dp/0859699749/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1298634292&sr=8-1o and Stres related illness. My husband read them and understood everything so much clearer and when your sister is ready get her to read them - these are an eyeopener and fantastic.
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